


Daytime Friends, Nightime Lovers

by UltimateOptimist



Category: West Wing
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:07:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26952610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateOptimist/pseuds/UltimateOptimist
Summary: Sam and Josh have been in a secret relationship since the election campaign. After Josh is shot, Sam tries to cope with the next 48 hours with his lover in critical condition...alone.A what if story where in my brain Sam and Josh are in a secret relationship at the time Josh is shot.
Relationships: Josh Lyman/Sam Seaborn
Comments: 2
Kudos: 97





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This would not leave me alone.  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing, I love Sam Seaborn.

“Josh you did come, you came to New Hampshire and got me.” To Sam his voice sounds like it is under water, everything is muffled – he knows the monitors in the ER must be loud, he knows he should be able to hear the doctor’s saying words he cannot possibly understand. He can’t though, all he can focus on is Josh. His Josh. Lying pale, and bleeding – god there is so much blood. How could he loose so much blood and still be alive?

He is alive though, Sam focuses on the uneven rise and fall of his chest. Josh seems to calm at his voice, just a little he isn’t twisting his head so much. Sam aches to touch him, to put a reassuring hand on his arm, to squeeze his hand, kiss his forehead but he can’t. There are too many doctors, they are too many people watching. 

He isn’t sure how long he stands there after he watches Josh being wheeled away. His legs are shaking, hands trembling as he looks at the floor – covered in his partner’s blood. He’s nauseous all of a sudden, and he looks to his hands to see them streaked with blood.

“ Sam? They’ve set us up in the waiting room.” That’s Toby’s voice – and although Sam can’t really hear him, still underwater, he knows it’s him. He raises his eyes from his hands and looks at his boss – clearly shaken as them all but as always projecting a sense of rationality. Sam just nods, unable to speak around the lump in his throat, or risk speaking with the rising nausea. He wants to ask – about the president, about what they do next because despite the clear shock they are all in, there is always something to do. He begins to follow Toby to the waiting room at first, but when he reaches out to take the door he stops. There are so many people, and although part of him feels relieved – relieved to see Charlie, Zoey, the secret service, it’s too crowded to bright, too loud. The vivid redness of his hands makes him stare- the blood that should be in Josh but it wasn’t because he was shot. Oh God he was Shot. Sam’s legs threaten to buckle beneath him as the nausea spikes again. He turns abruptly on his heel with a steadiness he doesn’t feel and storms down the corridor to get outside – to breath. 

Toby frowns when he opens turns around to see his deputy missing, debating following him. It’s times like this he relies on CJ – only CJ has already headed back to the Whitehouse to release a statement. He hears a strangled sorry as Sam walks into someone in the corridor and hears hurried footsteps. He decides to wait a minute then go see, but he spots a pale faced Leo giving him a slight nod and rising from his chair. Toby’s brain cannot help but notice the similarity of what both men are going through – their best friend shot. 

Josh was shot. His best friend. His partner. The man he loved, but no-one knows was shot. Sam tries to breath as that replays through his mind but it’s difficult. He pulls as his tie with shaking hands, trying to find somewhere reasonably secluded because even in his panicked state his brain acknowledges that there will be press everywhere. The churning in his stomach is overwhelming, and as soon as he spots a place just from the ambulance bay, partially hidden from the group of press reporters already. Josh cannot die, he can’t. He can’t die when Sam never got a chance to say I love you one last time, to say goodbye. The realisation of that pushes him over the edge and Sam leans over violently vomiting everything he has ate in the last 24 hours. When the spasms stop Sam stays leaning over, hands resting on his knees,  
biting back a sob. He takes a few deep breathes – he can’t loose it here, not now. 

Sam is so busy repeating this mantra in his mind, he doesn’t hear Leo approach him, and startles slightly as he feels a warm hand on his shoulder. A slight squeeze. 

“Sam?” It’s Leo. He looks about as shocked as Sam feels, drawn, pale. Sam realises at that moment that this man has his best friend and surrogate son in surgery. 

“Take a breath, Shocks a bitch huh?” Leo squeezes his shoulder, giving the younger man a moment. 

Sam closes his eyes and tries to focus on getting as much air as he can as possible for a few moments – feeling more centred he straightens up exhaling.

“I’m ok, what…what can I do?” Sam asks. 

Leo raises an eyebrow in disbelief but answers, “We could do with some notes for CJ’s next briefing, she’s preparing now.” 

Sam closes his eyes for a moment to regain some composure at the request, he wants to stay with Josh. He needs to stay with Josh. Leo seems to sense this.

“Sam Ginger’s brought your laptop and bag over.” Leo adds, “you can stay with Josh. I need you to stay here.” 

Sam knows this is probably a lie, he cannot do anything for Josh here but wait. A small part of him feels guilty that CJ is back already – and having to face cameras. Not for the first time he is glad not to have CJ’s job. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam startles when he hears Donna’s voice, he can’t really hear what has been said – truth be told he still can’t quite focus on what is happening around him, not unless he is being directly addressed. He doesn’t think any time has passed at all but each time he checks his watch it seems time has passed. Since speaking to Leo Sam has sat focusing his eyes on the legal pad in front of him, scribbling furiously. He can feel eyes on him intermittently but doesn’t look up. He does when Donna comes in though.

“Hey Donna,” Sam jumps to his feet and comes to give her a hug. The blonde looks frazzled and worried but she’s clearly searching for someone. The realisation that no-one has told her about Josh hits him with a sickening jolt - she is looking for Josh. 

He opens his mouth, but he can’t face the words out in time before she asks, “Where’s Josh?” Sam closes his eyes, the lump in his throat once again present – please don’t make him say it. Luckily Toby seems to sense his predicament and joins the pair.

“Donna,” Toby’s voice is uncharacteristically soft, and Donna’s eyes fill with tears as she realises Josh was hurt.

“He wasn’t…” she practically pleads and Sam shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath against the rush of emotion at the words. 

“Donna, Josh was shot. He’s in surgery, it’s serious but he’s alive.” Toby’s voice is soft and calm, and he places a hand on her shoulder and gives it a squeeze. Sam cannot bear to looks at Donna as the tears roll down her cheeks. The room feels claustrophobic and hot again, he needs to be outside – he needs to be with Josh. He gives her a squeeze and lets go, letting Toby guide her in a seat next to Zoey and leaves the room.

He’s walking down the corridor and finds himself in the men’s bathroom, feeling sick again. He braces himself on the sink, head down not to look at the haunted, pale version of himself he knows would be in the mirror. 

“Sam?” He’s startled by a woman’s voice this time – It’s the first lady.

“Ma’am, you…you shouldn’t be in here…”Sam startles straightening up, almost like his body is on muscle memory – stand to attention Sam the first lady is here. 

“It’s Abby Sam,” She approaches him guiding him to lean on the radiator behind him, concerned at how pale he is. She also doesn’t mention that the secret service have clearly shut the floor off and sealed it – so they can all go wherever they wanted.

“Just breathe Sam,” She coaches gently, noticing the racing pulse as she feels his wrist. She knows the young man before her is in shock, they all are to varying degrees but she’s concerned about the deputy communications manager the most. He has looked like a ghost since they arrived at the hospital – determined to blend in to the background, not making eye contact with anyone jaw tight. The other main part of concern is how quiet he is – From what she’s observed of the staff Sam is someone who discusses almost everything, unless he is really struggling, then he tends to shut down. 

“Did you hurt yourself?” She asks, aware that CJ hit her head on her way down, and she was standing next to Sam. 

“No Ma’am,” Sam replies wearily, closing his eyes – it feels like the fluorescent lights are burning into his retinas. His head is beginning to throb, which only increases his nausea. Briefly he thinks about asking how she is, but he stops himself – maybe this is her way of coping. 

It didn’t matter that Sam didn’t say anything, Abby seems to sense his hesitation. “I’m ok Sam, I’m a little worried about you. You’re in shock….Everyone has been checked out Toby, CJ, Leo, Zoey,  
Charlie….except you.” She adds, “and you’re not looking too good right now.” 

Sam snorts softly at that – he’s probably looking better than Josh. 

“Sam, you’re going to be no good to him if you’re not taking care of yourself.” Abby adds softly. 

“Yeah,” Sam replies hoarsely, finally rising his eyes to reach hers. 

“Let’s get you checked out ok?” Abby takes his hand gently. “Josh is strong, he’s young, he can get through this.” 

Sam nods as his throat constricts again thinking about how just this morning he was teasing Josh for not getting to the gym as often as him.

FLASHBACK

“C’mon Josh, up” Sam rolls his eyes with a smile as he steps back into the bedroom from the shower. It’s a familiar routine, one that Sam is used to but used to irritate him no end.

“I hate you,” Josh mumbles from under the covers – he’s never been a morning person.

“Up” Sam laughs, sitting back down on the bed. 

“How do you find the energy to run this morning?” Josh mumbles, pulling himself up bleary eyed.

“I just did…looking at all the pizza we all ate last night maybe you should” Sam teases leaning in to give him a kiss. The senior staff ordered pizza as their meeting ran late into the evening, again.

“That’s rude,” Josh mumbles against his lips – knowing it’s a joke.

“Love you the way you are..even with you being a grump.” Sam reassures him, giving him a quick peck and playing with his lover’s unruly curls ending with a gentle tug. 

“Up…now” Sam orders heading into the kitchen to make coffee.

XXXXXXXXXXX

How was that just his morning? How could they be going from that to this? 

“Sam, you with me?” Abby asks placing a gentle hand on his face to tip his head to look up. She was struck with the sheer devastation in his eyes. The brunette feels a pang in her stomach as she looks at the man in front of her – and wonders not for the first time, if there is more between the two then the friendship that is so evident. The doctor pushes the thought aside – it’s not the time to ask or pry, but she makes a mental note to keep a closer eye on the young man. 

“Sorry, yeah” Sam mumbles, so unlike the confident man she knows. Abby nods and tugs him gently to the exam room. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Hi honey let’s get you sitting down,” the young nurse smiles warmly as Sam follows the first lady into the room. She doesn’t let go of his hand, as he settles himself on the edge of the bed. “My name is Amber, I’m just going to have a quick look over before the doctor comes.” 

“Lean back Sam, just take a second,” Abby coaches, pushing him gently on the shoulder so he has no choice but to reposition himself and swing his legs up on the bed. He has to admit being somewhat horizontal helps – he feels less lightheaded but he still feels sick. 

“Headache? Nausea?” She asks, wrapping a blood pressure cuff around his arm. Sam swallows thickly, nodding. 

“Did you hit your head?” the nurse asks, gently probing his head. Sam closes his eyes as the room slowly spins around him. Now he is sort of lying down, he feels like the adrenaline is leaving him – my god he is tired. 

“I don’t think so,” He bends his knees up and exhales softly, resting his head on his knees. 

“Ok sweetheart,” Abby smiles at the younger woman, approving of her soft but not patronising approach. “Let’s get you some Compazine, and the doctor.”

Sam lifts head and looks blankly at the first lady – clearly wanting an explanation.

“It’ll help with the sickness Sam,” she reassures him. The smile drops from her face as she turns and sees the anaesthesiologist that was helping her husband at the door.

“Mrs Bartlet?” He asks

“Go,” Sam seems to find his voice then offering a very small smile – trying to be reassuring. Abby squeezes his arm and follows the doctor out, needing to hear the news alone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam isn’t sure how long he is left staring at his knees until the doctor comes. The room still feels too bright, and he still feels hot and queasy. 

“Ok Mr Seabourn, let’s take a look.” The doctor smiles, introducing himself as Dr Barnett. He looks at his chart and shines a light in his eyes, which makes Sam’s eyes burn. 

“Headache?” He asks to which Sam nods.

“Feel sick?” The doctor asks again.

“Yeah,” Sam takes a deep breath. 

“Ok Sam you’re suffering from shock. We’re going to give you some Compazine to help with the nausea I want you to drink some water and sit for a 20minutes or so and then we can let you on your way. You’re dehydrated.” Dr Barnett advises.

Sam nods and tries to relax into the pillows. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Hey Toby,” Sam answers the phone before Toby can say anything further he has to ask, “Did…did someone call Josh’s mom.” He asks, clearing his throat. He should have done it - god knows he’s met the woman more then enough times. He feels better since he had some medication, and water. He’s had stern instructions to drink plenty and try to eat something – little and often to help.

“Yeah Sam, she’s on her way down.” Toby reassures him, it was one of the first thing Leo did.

“Look Sam…we need you to come back, CJ’s a little shaken up…..could you…could you do the morning shows?” Toby asks somewhat hesitantly. It’s odd to hear his boss anything other then sure, but then none of them are really themselves right now. He really wants to say no, the thought of leaving Josh here makes his legs feel weak. He cannot say no – no-one knows about their relationship, and it’s unfair to expect all the others work when he isn’t. Sam knows if Leo, Toby or CJ knew that they would never expect him to leave. But he can’t do that, he cannot tell them not without Josh. 

Sam closes his eyes for a second, praying for strength…to someone he isn’t sure who. He forces the words around the lump in his throat, “Yeah ok.” 

“Ok I’m going to send a car for you ok?” Toby’s concerned voice is enough to know that Sam couldn’t keep his voice as steady as he tried.

“Yeah,” Sam exhales hanging up the phone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is part two! 
> 
> I love the West Wing - it is honestly my favourite show to watch right now. I have a few more plot bunnies to write so any feedback that might help me get it better then please let me know! Or if you like it. 
> 
> I love any CJ/Sam friendship....
> 
> DISCLAIMER: *Sighs* I don't own Sam Sebourn if only....but seriously not my characters or show.

“You’re doing great,” Bonnie smiles softly as she hands Sam a ginger ale and a doughnut. He wonders if they’ve been told about the hospital. He’s trying to take on as much water as he can – determined not to run himself into the ground. He isn’t sure that he can stomach the doughnut though - Sam’s not hungry, he’s even less hungry when he realises that this morning Josh had brought him a doughnut mid-morning, grinning as he swaggered into his office before they left for Rossyln. The memory takes his breath away – and he bites hard on the inside of his cheek to bring him back to reality and keep the tears at bay – not here, not now. 

“Sam?” Toby asks a gentle hand on his shoulder, startling him. 

“Sorry,” Sam curses himself, taking the offerings with remarkably steady hands. He smiles and says a small thank you to Bonnie who gives him a small smile and leaves him be. 

“You’re doing great Sam, two more then you can take a break.” Toby reassures him kindly, squeezing his shoulder. Sam nods with a sigh, he takes a sip of ginger-ale trying to ease the churning that is once again present. He hands Toby backs the doughnut, who looks like he wants to say something but doesn’t. It’s not like any of them have an appetite- he makes a mental note that they all need to eat when they next get a chance, otherwise none of them will be any good for Josh. When he comes out surgery - when. 

“Any news?” He asks knowing that it is too early really, Josh’s surgery will only be half-way through. 

“The president is awake,” Toby replies “Josh is still on bypass.” 

Sam nods a lump in his throat – even though he knew that would be the case he’s still disappointed at the news. “CJ?” 

“Still shaken up, but she’s working” Toby replies – having his suspicions at who might have pushed her to the floor. Sam has to look away from the concern in his boss’s eyes, it all feels too much all of a sudden, he just wants to be sitting alone, waiting for Josh. The desperation of wanting to see Josh hits him so hard all of a sudden – it seems to come in waves. He tugs at his tie and coughs. Toby seems to sense his struggle and stays as always steady quiet and calm, patiently waiting for Sam to pull himself together. 

Sam exhales then finishes his drink, “You?” Once he is sure his voice is steady. 

“Fine,” Toby predictably replies and Sam rolls his eyes at him.

Toby smirks, “You?” 

“Fine,” Sam lies unflinching. Toby makes a pointed look at the uneaten doughnut.

“Mr Seabourn” one of the TV aides is shouting for him. Sam sighs, hands Toby his drink and mentally prepares for the next round. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“You want anything, Ginger is ordering food?” CJ asks as she spots Sam heading back to his office looking utterly wrung out.

“No thanks,” Sam sighs rubbing his forehead. 

“You heading back to the hospital?” She asks. 

“Yeah,” Sam exhales. There’s still work to be done, but it’s writing statements and he can do that from the waiting room. He checks his watch again – hopefully Josh will be off Bypass soon. 

“Sam? Thank you for doing the morning shows.” CJ is looking at him now, eyes full of gratitude.

“It’s ok CJ, you did all the briefings it’s the least I can do” Sam shrugs it off. He doesn’t want to do this now, he just wants to sit at the hospital. He just wants Josh. 

CJ shakes her head, she won’t let him downplay this. “Sam, you stepped up today,” she squeezes his arm gently. 

“Also I didn’t want to do the shows because truthfully I didn’t know what had happened. Then I heard you….…did…do you have my necklace?” CJ asks. Sam looks back startled. Sheepishly he pulls out the delicate silver chain out of his shirt pocket. 

“Sam,” CJ’s face is full of gratitude and Sam cannot deal with this right now. He saved CJ’s life, but he couldn’t help Josh. He subtly shakes his head and CJ gets the hint as she spots how tight his jaw is. 

“Were you scared?” CJ asks.

“Yeah,” Sam exhales, desperate to add that he is still scared. He’s scared for Josh, he’s scared for himself and how he lives with this. He doesn’t though, he just bites the inside of his cheek – again. 

“Me too,” CJ says. “Go see Josh, I’ll be over later.” 

Sam doesn’t need telling twice.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Hello Mrs Lyman, how are you?” CJ asks answering her cellphone as it rings on her desk. 

“Well hello CJ, I’m doing…well as well as I can. Sam’s booked me onto a flight….well actually I think an assistant did,” she chuckles and CJ smiles despite the situation. 

“Can I do anything, or get you anything?” CJ asks, “there will be a car at the airport for you.” 

“Thank you, I’m actually calling to ask how Sam is? He didn’t say much on the phone.” She asks. CJ interest can’t help but be spiked, wondering why Mrs Lyman is so concerned for Sam. When did Sam ring Josh’s mother? CJ knows the pair are close, but it still seems almost…intimate?

“I think he’s ok,” CJ reassures her, “Shaken up but he wasn’t hurt.” The confusion she must feels flavour her tone because Josh’s mom changes her tact. 

“You’re right, I just worry about him you know how he is.” A fond tone to her voice which CJ cannot help but smile at. 

“I’ll keep an eye on him for you, you just get here to see Josh.” CJ promises. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam isn’t how long he’s sat there for – he isn’t sure if he’s slept in the last 24 hours but every time he looks at the clock time seems to have passed. He’s alone in the waiting room now, The Bartlets have been in to see the president, and everyone else is back at the Whitehouse. Since he’s alone Sam’s given up all pretence of doing any work. The legal pad in front of him his blank. He cannot stand this, its been almost 10 hours, how can it almost have been 10 hours since Josh was shot? 

He can feel the tears he has supressed all day start to creep on him, now he doesn’t have to pretend that he isn’t terrified. Now he doesn’t have to pretend that Josh is just his best friend – but the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with. The man he’s spent the past two years in a relationship with, but admittedly longer in love with. 

He closes his eyes for a moment, giving into the tears for a moment when the door opens. He quickly ducks his head and wipes his eyes before looking up – of course it’s Donna. Donna who’s pale, tired and clearly as terrified as he feels. He’s surprised Josh has never told her; the pair are close. 

“Hey, I thought you might want a coffee?” She offers tentatively as she holds up a takeaway cup, clearly realising she was interrupting a moment She looks at him softly, concern clearly evident despite her own worries. 

“Thanks,” Sam smiles, grateful for the gesture. He really wanted some time alone, but now that Donna is here, he doesn’t really want to ask her to leave. He doesn’t really want to say anything either. 

“We don’t have to talk, but I can sit here for a while?” She offers, reading his mind with an intimacy that comes from spending over half of your day literally, with someone. 

“I’d like that,” Sam says, voice choked. He clears his throat and tries to take a sip of coffee. Donna settles in next to him, and holds his hand giving it a squeeze. The pair keep their silent vigil for the next hour or so. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Have you seen Sam?” CJ asks Donna, surprised not to see him in the waiting room when she steps in. 

“He had to speak to the doctors, something about keeping him updated as the next of kin.” Donna replies with a sigh. Clearly Donna is more out of sorts then CJ thought because it doesn’t even register what she said – that Sam is Josh’s next of kin. It seems again, intermate. 

CJ pauses at that, letting the realisation sink in. A sick feeling in her stomach overcomes here when she begins to piece together the closeness of the pair and how Sam has been so stoic all today. If what she is summarising is true Sam had to feel pretty lonely today – and no-one really noticed.

“I’ll just go see if I can find him.” CJ slips out determined to find the Californian.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam sits enjoying the quiet – he’s sitting at a slightly hidden part of the ambulance bay. He needed a moment after speaking with the doctors. It was good news – Josh was so far stable and the surgery was going well, Sam was told that the next 48 hours would be critical. It was a good as news he could hope, but the idea of another few hours of waiting, and then the waiting after this feels him with nothing but dread. Josh’s mom was due in soon and truthfully, Sam wasn’t sure he had the strength to be strong for her. She had already lost her husband, now almost two years later – her son? The thought just makes him feel sick all over again.

He's so lost in his own thoughts he doesn’t hear anyone approach him. 

“Hey Sam, I brought you some coffee?” The press secretary hands him a cup. “It’s the good stuff from the place down the street.” 

“Thanks,” Sam smiles tiredly, taking a sip. He doesn’t offer any other conversation. 

“Sam…look at me” CJ asks, she sits down beside him “honey he is going to be ok” she adds. She is desperate to ask about him and Josh.   
Sam just nods, he just wants to see him. He needs to see him. 

“Sam, I know this isn’t the right place….but I spoke to Josh’s mom and you’re next of kin….” CJ trails off not sure whether she should ask. 

Sam sighs, leaning forward. He hates working with the smartest people in the USA. He knows what his friend is asking, she can imagine Josh’s mom worried about Sam as well as Josh. He is warmed suddenly of thoughts of their secret trips to New England, driving back together gently bickering about the other’s driving. The thought that may never happen again makes him feel cold all over again. He can’t do this without Josh.   
“Sam?” CJ squeezes his arm and can feel the younger man tremble underneath her hand. 

Sam exhales, slowly and he sounds so utterly exhausted that CJ could weep for him. 

“CJ I can’t answer your question, “ Sam replies carefully, a single tear rolling down his cheek as he stares at his shoes. He knows that he is answering her question, but at least she can deny it if asked.

“Oh Sam,” CJ’s voice is so sad, devastated for her friend who has spent the last 12 hours trying to keep it together while his partner is in life-saving surgery, who wrote statements, god…who faced the TV interviews when she couldn’t. 

It’s those words, in that tone which breaks him. 

“Fuck,” Sam swears uncharacteristically as the tears come faster.

“Oh my god,” CJ pulls him into the hug, not knowing what to say to make it better. How can she makes this better? 

“I can’t…I can’t loose him, I can’t do this…..” Sam whispers brokenly, finally voicing the words that he hasn’t been able to say aloud. CJ feels tears in her own eyes as she hears them. She rocks him gently back and forth and lets him cry for a few minutes. After 5 minutes or so Sam shifts out of her embrace and wipes his eyes with his sleeves – it’s so unlike Sam, and maybe she’s a bit hysterical after the last 18 hours or so, she laughs.

Sam looks at her quizzically.

“It’s just that…that is Josh, he’s clearly rubbed off on you,” CJ smiles.

“More then you know,” Sam smiles, unable to help himself. 

“Samuel Seaborn!” She exclaims hitting him on the arm as he laughs. It feels nice to laugh – even if Sam feels immediately guilty, and CJ admits it feels wrong to smile right now.

“He’s going to be ok…It’s Josh he’s a fighter,” CJ reassures him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. 

Sam leans into her, absorbing her strength and conviction. He desperately wants to believe her.

“With Josh’s poker face, and your lying skills how did you guys keep this a secret?” CJ asks after a moment. 

Sam laughs a little this, “honestly I don’t know. We didn’t mean to keep it a secret all this time, but it just…there was never a time to tell.” He sighs. It had been the main flash point between the two of them – the pair didn’t often argue but when they did it was about this. Sam wants to tell the truth, and although Josh also does he has more reservations. 

“Just how long?” CJ can’t help but ask, still in shock. 

“18 months,” Sam answers, “CJ I shouldn’t be telling you this…” He sighs. 

“Sweetheart, you’ve just spent the last 12 hours dealing with your boyfriend being shot with no emotional support. I really couldn’t care what you should or shouldn’t be telling me.” The press secretary reassures him, “and as a friend I want to help you ok?” 

Sam feels tears prick his eyes again and nods. 

“C’mon lets see your boy.” CJ stands up, gently grabbing his hand and pulls him back into the hospital.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

CJ doesn’t let go of Sam’s hand the whole time they wait for news on Josh – even when Leo and Toby arrive. Finally they get the news they’ve all been waiting for – Josh is out of recovery and is awake. It’s physically painful for Sam to wait until the president and Leo have seen Josh before he can. He grips CJ’s hand as he tries to stay outwardly stoic while he waits.

“He’s asking for you Sam,” Leo returns looking like he’s 20 years younger. 

Sam just nods, the ever- present lump still in his throat. He feels nervous butterflies in his stomach. 

“C’mon Spanky,” CJ cajoles him into standing up, earning a slightly questioning glance from Toby. She walks with him to Josh’s room, Sam’s heart pounding the whole time. 

“Go see your boy,” CJ whispers as the pair stand outside the deputy chief of staff’s room. Sam feels strangely hesitant now he is here. He steps into the room and the sight of Josh, so pale in his bed, full of IV lines takes his breath away. He falters, and CJ hears the sharp intake of breath. This isn’t Josh Lyman, not his friend of 10 years, lover of 18 months – it can’t be. 

“Breathe Sam,” CJ’s voice is suddenly in his ear, her hand on his chest and the all-familiar smell of perfume grounding him. 

Sam’s chest feels tight, he knew his partner would look…well bad, but he didn’t realise how unprepared he was for it. He listens to the words and tries to fill his lungs with air. 

“He’s here, he’s alive, he’s still Josh” CJ continues to coach. It takes another few minutes but Sam feels himself relax a little from the shock. 

After another minute or so, he takes a deep breath and CJ can feel him steel himself. He steps further into the room and towards Josh’s bed.   
Josh is pale, as white as the pillow underneath him but as Sam takes his hand he’s relieved to feel it’s warm. Clearly his partner has fallen back asleep after speaking to the president. He caresses Josh’s knuckles with his thumb, willing him to squeeze it back.

He clears his throat, “Josh, it’s me.” His voice is wavering a little, desperate to see Josh open his eyes. 

Josh’s eyes flutter a little, encouraged Sam continues, “C’mon Josh ….please open your eyes,” he practically pleads. As if recognising the tone Josh forces his eyes open. 

“Hey you,” Sam smiles a stray down his cheek, pushing his hair off his forehead. A strong wave of relief throughs through him, almost making his knees buckle.

“Hey,” Josh croaks. 

“Just had to go be a drama queen eh?” Sam smiles, “You’re ok, you can sleep.” He adds seeing how much energy it has taken his lover to just say that one word. He isn’t sure Josh is really with him, or understands the words but Sam knows he knows his voice and that’s enough. 

Josh finds the strength to squeeze his hand and ask, “Stay?” 

Sam nods, “Not going anywhere,” keeping hold of his hand he pulls up a chair and settles in for the night. CJ stand and watches the two for a second, in awe of two of the most intelligent men she knows, letting herself relax and enjoy this tender moment. After a moment or two, happy the pair are ok she pushes herself off the doorway and walks down the corridor – making a mental note to ask more prying questions when Josh is on the mend.


End file.
